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El Presidente's AEW Dynamite Review: Darby Survives, MJF Brings Clippers

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El Presidente's AEW Dynamite Review: Darby Survives, MJF Brings Clippers
Darby AllinMike BaileyMJF's Clipper Coup

A comprehensive review of last night's AEW Dynamite and Collision special, including Darby Allin's survival, the escalation of the AEW World Title feud, Willow Nightingale's TBS Title relinquishment, Moxley's draw with Kyle O'Reilly, and the chaotic Sunday show

El Presidente reviews last night's 3-hour AEW Dynamite and Collision special! Darby survives, MJF brings clippers, and chaos reigns before Double or Nothing! Comrades, AEW Dynamite surged toward Double or Nothing as Darby Allin survived Mike Bailey and mocked MJF’s clipper coup.

MJF brought electric clippers, Darby fought back, and the AEW World Title feud escalated like a CIA plot foiled by socialism. Willow Nightingale relinquished the TBS Title, Moxley drew with Kyle O’Reilly, and AEW Dynamite stacked Sunday with chaos. From Stadium Stampede madness to FTR surviving Collision, AEW Dynamite and Collision marched to Double or Nothing in glory. Greetings, comrades!

It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my private helicopter hovering over international waters, where I am currently avoiding twelve separate warrants and one very angry ex-wife's attorney! My loyal capybarais wearing noise-canceling headphones because the helicopter blades are disturbing his afternoon nap, but I stayed awake through all three hours of last night's spectacular, and comrades, what a night of professional wrestling it was! Let me tell you all about it!

Willow Nightingale delivers a heartbreaking message about the TBS Championship backstage on AEW Dynamite.meeting at a Portland lighthouse to discuss their complicated history, which is more tangled than my family tree after three generations of strategic marriages to consolidate power! They debated whether to call themselves The Bucks of Jericho or Y2-Jackson, and in true diplomatic fashion, they decided to use BOTH names.

This reminds me of the time I negotiated a peace treaty with a rival warlord by agreeing that we would both be"Supreme Leader" on alternating Tuesdays. It lasted exactly one Tuesday before the CIA armed him with missile launchers, but the point stands! The segment onwas like watching three capitalist pigs argue over which trough to eat from, but I must admit, I laughed.interfered with a shillelagh!

Comrades, I have been struck with many weapons in my time – including a shoe thrown byduring a 1991 state dinner that I was not technically invited to – but the shillelagh remains one of the most disrespectful! After the match, a Stadium Stampede preview broke out withmatch was more chaotic than the time I accidentally invaded the wrong country because my GPS was set to Turkish instead of Spanish!

, which reminded me of my relationship with my former Minister of Finance after I discovered he had been skimming from the national lottery. TheFamily is fracturing like the coalition government I formed in 1987 that collapsed after an argument about whether to serve empanadas or tamales at the national independence celebration!

's hair because MJF is vain enough that losing it will destroy him psychologically! Comrades, this is BRILLIANT strategy! I once defeated a rival by threatening to reveal his secret hairpiece to the international press, and he surrendered three provinces without a single shot fired! Darby understands that vanity is the weakness of all bourgeoisie oppressors!in an Anything Goes match that used more weapons than my palace armory!

They employed kendo sticks, trash cans, chains, a cheese grater , a staple gun, barbed wire, chairs, tables, a screwdriver, and a tack-covered knee pad! This match onthat ended with the pool being drained and declared a biohazard!

Briscoe hit a Jay Driller through a table and a Froggy Bow for the victory, and I salute his courage!before he could even reach the ring, which is the kind of pre-emptive strike I employed during the Great Banana Republic Crisis of 1999! Bandido nearly used a chair and showed off his impressive strength with a one-arm Gorilla Press, but Swerve escaped with. This is sound tactical thinking, comrades – live to fight another day!

I once retreated from a coup by hiding in a dumpster behind a Wendy's for six hours, and look at me now!had to relinquish the TBS Championship due to a shoulder injury, and comrades, my heart broke like the time I had to relinquish my prized collection of stolen Fabergé eggs to settle a gambling debt with! Willow had 10 successful title defenses and left the championship behind with dignity.

This changed the Double or Nothing card, movingwill face a Wild Card opponent. In my experience,"Wild Card" usually means"CIA operative in disguise," so Windsor should be careful!fought to a 20-minute time-limit draw, with O'Reilly trapping Moxley in an ankle lock as time expired! Because O'Reilly survived the full 20 minutes, he earned another Continental Championship match at Double or Nothing with NO TIME LIMIT! Comrades, this is O'Reilly's THIRD chance to defeat Moxley, and he has already submitted him twice!

This is like the CIA's approach to overthrowing me – they keep trying the same thing and occasionally it works, but mostly I just laugh and increase my security budget! O'Reilly said he didn't survive Moxley; Moxley survived HIM, and that is the kind of confidence I respect!spoke backstage about Willow's injury, but quickly shifted to their own issues.

Statlander said she would be cleared by Sunday despite not being cleared now, which is the same medical philosophy I use whenever the UN sends doctors to inspect my country's hospitals!

"Don't worry about what the paperwork says, I feel fine! "warned Darby that if he survives the week, RUSH wants an AEW World Title match next Wednesday! RUSH said if you mess with the bull, you get the horns, which is also what I told the Swedish ambassador after he questioned my environmental policies! , and Alex Windsor!

Julia Hart used Black Mist on Thunder Rosa , and Thekla rolled up Rosa for the win! Thismatch had more moving parts than my 2003 re-election campaign, which involved three ballot boxes, two recounts, and one very convenient power outage!before his AEW World Title match and predicted Bailey would become the next champion!

This is the kind of blind optimism I display every time I tell my people the economy is improving despite the currency being worth less than Monopoly money! Moxley admitted O'Reilly is driving him crazy because he hasn't found a way to beat him. Comrades, this is like my relationship with the International Criminal Court – they keep indicting me, and I keep not showing up!

Moxley said at Double or Nothing,"the house finally wins," which is what the casino owner told me right before I nationalized his casino!! MJF joined commentary and later interfered by putting Bailey's foot on the rope, because MJF understands that rules are merely suggestions, much like my country's constitution! Kevin Knight confronted MJF at ringside, and eventually Darby forced Bailey to tap out to the Scorpion Death Lock! Seven successful title defenses in just over a month, comrades!

This is the kind of work ethic that would make Darby an excellent Minister of Propaganda in my government!began, MJF blindsided Darby and tried to shave him with electric clippers! Comrades, I have never seen such disrespect for the sanctity of a man's hair sincea makeover during a 2016 birthday celebration that got wildly out of hand! Darby fought back and nearly shaved MJF instead, causing MJF to flee while the crowd chanted"BALD!

" This psychological warfare will make their Double or Nothing match even more intense!distracted Ospreay and Shibata used a low blow! Comrades, the low blow is the great equalizer in combat, which is why I have instructed my security forces to aim there first and ask questions later!

Ospreay recovered and hit a Styles Clash followed by the Hidden Blade for the victory oncame out and said he was only there to protect his friends Bowens and Shibata, not to confront Ospreay yet. Joe promised to put Ospreay to sleep at Double or Nothing, but Ospreay said it's his dream match, not a nightmare!

Ospreay referenced wanting to win the Owen Cup to earn an AEW World Title shot at Wembley Stadium, and comrades, this is the kind of long-term planning I wish my economic advisors would employ!at Double or Nothing! Cope said he wants the best version of FTR because he wants to make that version say"I quit," which is also what I say to every visiting human rights inspector!

Christian warned that choices have consequences, which is my national motto!in a quick match after Crawford foolishly offered a handshake! Comrades, never trust a handshake from someone who just threatened you – this is lesson one in my memoir,"How to Not Get Overthrown: A Practical Guide!

" RUSH finished him with the Bull's Horns, and Crawford learned an important lesson about trust! ! Divine Dominion are more unstoppable than my re-election campaigns, and I respect their commitment to complete domination!fell on Cassidy for the pin, and FTR survived heading into their Double or Nothing match! Comrades, this is why I employ fourteen bodyguards and make them all wear the same mustache – you can never have too much interference!

The Conglomeration came close to seizing the means of tag team production, but the bourgeoisie champions held on through capitalist trickery!was more packed than my secret Swiss bank accounts! Darby Allin survived another defense, Kyle O'Reilly earned yet another shot at Moxley, Willow Nightingale sadly had to relinquish her championship, and every Double or Nothing feud got properly escalated!

It was beautiful chaos, like watching my annual military parade when half the tanks break down but we pretend everything is going according to plan! I shall be watching Double or Nothing this Sunday from my submarine , with Esteban wearing a tiny wrestling mask I had custom-made by a political prisoner with excellent needlework skills! VIVA LA REVOLUCIÓN, and viva professional wrestling!

As a lucrative side hustle from his job as the duly-elected leader of a socialist dictatorship, His Excellency El Presidente reports on his favorite elements of American pop culture, most notably its highest forms of artistic expression: pro wrestling, comic books, and reality television. Yes, comrades, even international despots are affected by the gig economy.

Unfortunately, since the CIA sabotaged his extremely popular 1-900 hotline, El Presidente has been forced to partner with the capitalist pigs at Bleeding Cool to deliver his message directly to the people. When not dodging extradition requests or international sanctions, he enjoys long walks on the beach with his collection of championship belts and arguing with his own body doubles about booking decisions. Read his latest posts, or die like dogs... the choice is yours!

El Presidente reviews last night's 3-hour AEW Dynamite and Collision special! Darby survives, MJF brings clippers, and chaos reigns before Double or Nothing! Comrades, El Presidente previews tonight's 3-hour AEW Dynamite and Collision special, where Darby Allin defends gold against Speedball Mike Bailey! Comrades, your El Presidente reviews WWE Raw, where Brock Lesnar destroyed Oba Femi, Jacob Fatu demanded Tribal Combat, and The Vision stood tall!

Comrades, your El Presidente previews tonight's WWE Raw! Roman Reigns responds to Jacob Fatu, plus tag titles on the line and an Oba Femi Open Challenge! Greetings, comrades! Your El Presidente reviews AEW Collision, where Darby Allin survived Sammy Guevara, Lio Rush leaked goo, and Esteban sipped cucumber water!

Comrades, your El Presidente previews tonight's AEW Collision! Darby Allin defends vs. Sammy Guevara, Willow battles Red Velvet, plus trios action and more! El Presidente reviews last night's 3-hour AEW Dynamite and Collision special! Darby survives, MJF brings clippers, and chaos reigns before Double or Nothing!

Half Man S01E05 Preview: An Impulsive Choice, Serious Consequences Here's a look at our preview for the penultimate episode of HBO Max's Richard Gadd and Jamie Bell-starring Half Man, S01E05:"2010.

"Will Woodstone survive? Here's our preview for tonight's season finale of CBS's Ghosts, S05E21:"Up the Creek" and S05E22:"Across the Pond.

"Tonight on TNA Thursday Night iMPACT! , Mike Santana defends the TNA World Championship against the battle royal winner Steve MaclinSupergirl is weeks away from opening in theaters, but Milly Alcock as Kara Zor-El will return for a role in the Superman sequel, Man of Tomorrow.

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