Maintaining friendships and family relationships can be challenging, especially when boundaries are involved. Learn strategies for politely telling a friend and sister that you no longer want their pets in your home.
Sergio - stock.adobe.comA friend of mine calls first or pops by every few months. She’s generous and brings homemade treats, something she has found at the grocer’s or flowers from her garden.
We have great chats, and I really like her. The problem is, she always brings her little dog, whom she calls the most “wonderful little doggie in the world. ” He goes into all the rooms and jumps on the beds, couch, needlepoint chairs, etc. The last time she was here, I had to launder two bedspreads and clean the couch because it was muddy outside.
When I spoke up and said maybe his feet were muddy, she said she had wiped his feet. Obviously not. I don’t want her dog here anymore. I have a patio where we can visit, and I can direct her and the dog there when the weather is good, but what do I say in the meantime when she appears at my door with her dog?
Direct her and her dog straight to the kitchen, close the door so her “wonderful” dog can’t roam all over your house, and visit with them in there. It will make it more convenient for you both to eat her treats or arrange her flowers. If she asks you why, tell her that you love her little pooch, but you no longer want him on your furniture. You are within your rights to do that.
If she becomes offended, it may end the friendship, but if you can’t draw the line, your relationship will become increasingly less appealing anyway. My younger sister, who is divorced, has raised two sons who are now young adults but strangers to me. Sis and I have had an on-and-off relationship, but we love each other regardless of our differences. I married a Frenchman and have lived in France for the last 30 years.
I haven’t seen Sis in 10 years. She has never been to France to visit me with her boys, although I have offered to pay for part of their expenses. We talk regularly, and I share photos of our family often. I haven’t seen a photo of her boys for 10 years.
When I ask why, she laughs and says her boys dislike having their pictures taken. I find that difficult to accept. I find it hurtful and sad that she refuses to share any photos of my nephews with me. I’d like to go see her, but I’m afraid I won’t feel welcomed because of this.
— ISOLATED SISTER ABROADInform your sister that, after 30 long years, you are booking a trip to the US to reconnect with friends and family, and ask if she would have time to visit with you and your family. Her response will tell you everything you need to know. From my perspective, the trip would be good for you, and you could make it with or without her blessing.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
Boundary Setting Polite Refusal Pet Etiquette House Rules
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