This article explores the distinction between self-esteem and self-confidence, highlighting that they are related but distinct concepts. The author shares personal experiences of grappling with low self-esteem in certain situations while possessing high self-confidence in others. Through conversations with Dr. Sanam Hafeez, a neuropsychologist, the article delves into the potential origins of low self-esteem stemming from trauma and the possibility of having good self-esteem alongside low self-confidence in specific areas.
“Why are you blaming yourself?” my husband asked me when I hadn’t heard back from a woman with whom I used to work. “Because I told her that I didn’t trust her boss, who was my former boss, and I knew that he had treated others very poorly.
I like her and I was trying to help her because she told me she was always on edge at work. But maybe I shouldn’t have said anything about the boss and she’s angry with me,” I replied.My husband was right. I got the following text from her two days later. “Thanx for what you told me. Sorry I didn’t get back to you sooner. You really helped me realize that it’s not me that’s the problem.” Another time, when there was a world premiere of an opera for which I had written the libretto, my husband took me to an upscale shop in a mall in Beverly Hills to buy a dress. He picked out a few glitzy dresses and when I looked at the price tags, I recoiled. “There is no way I am buying a dress at that price,” I insisted. “So, what do you plan on wearing?” “I don’t know. A pair of black tights and a black top.” We began to argue. I refused to buy a dress and he kept on insisting. The owner of the store had obviously overheard us. “In all the years I have owned this shop, I have never seen a woman who refused to buy a dress when her partner wanted her to look great. Why don’t you think you deserve a dress? I am sure you work very hard. This premiere is a big deal,” the owner said. She was right, just as my husband had been right. I realized how many times I had blamed myself, erroneously assumed someone was upset, or refused to buy something special because deep down I didn’t think I deserved it. Once, before giving a talk to several hundred people in in Europe, I was grappling with feelings that they wouldn’t be interested in what I had to say. But when I began to speak, it was the opposite of what I feared. It was easy for me to connect to the audience and feel how interested and even inspired they were. I frequently put my prepared notes aside and spoke spontaneously. It never occurred to me to doubt myself. I was sitting in an outdoor café sometime after that and I realized for the first time that I was highly self-confident, and had loware the same thing. But it became clear to me that you can have good self-esteem in general and low self-confidence in certain situations. Or you can possess low self-esteem when it comes to blaming yourself and have high self-confidence in other situations, like speaking to an audience, excelling at work, or meeting new people. I decided to ask Dr. Sanam Hafeez, a New York City neuropsychologist who is Director of Comprehend the Mind and has faculty appointments at Columbia University and CUNY, what she thought about the possible origins of self-esteem and self-confidence. “Low self-esteem can often be linked to, physical abuse, or witnessing violence can profoundly affect self-worth. Children who grow up in unstable environments may internalize feelings of unworthiness, believing that they are somehow to blame for the neglect or abuse they endured. In cases of emotional or physical trauma, individuals may develop negative core beliefs about themselves, such as thinking they are unlovable, weak, or undeserving of respect. Adolescents who experience trauma may struggle with their identity, and this can hinder their ability to build healthy relationships and develop a positiveDisorder) can also play a significant role, as the emotional scars from trauma may persist long into adulthood. to feel powerless or unworthy,” she replied. I asked if she thought it was possible to have fine self-confidence and low self-esteem, or did she think they were the same thing? “Self-confidence and self-esteem are related but distinct concepts, so it is possible to have fine self-confidence and low self-esteem. Self-confidence refers to the belief in one's abilities to accomplish specific tasks or, while self-esteem is the overall sense of self-worth or value as a person. A person may feel confident in their professional skills or social interactions, yet still struggle with feelings of inadequacy or self-criticism on a deeper, emotional level,” Hafeez explained. Her replies seemed very relatable to me, and I questioned her about whether she thought a person with good self-esteem could have low self-confidence. “Yes, it is possible to have good self-esteem but low self-confidence,” she replies. “Self-esteem reflects an overall sense of self-worth and value, while self-confidence is specific to one's abilities in particular areas. A person with high self-esteem may feel fundamentally worthy and deserving of respect but still struggle with self-doubt or I found it comforting to know that although we may have areas where we feel unworthy or undeserving, we may also have strengths in other areas. And I’m glad that I bought that dress for the opera world premiere, and would have been mortified if I actually showed up in black tights and a black top while everyone else on stage looked sparkling and elegant.is an award-winning international travel journalist who has contributed to 130 publications, the author of three books about transformative travel, an inspirational speaker, and an opera librettist.There’s been a fundamental shift in how we define adulthood—and at what pace it occurs. PT’s authors consider how a once iron-clad construct is now up for grabs—and what it means for young people’s mental health today.
SELF-ESTEEM SELF-CONFIDENCE TRAUMA PSYCHOLOGY MENTAL HEALTH
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