A quiet student may carry unseen neglect, and one moment of attention can change the direction of a life.
Unaddressed neglect may lead adolescents to seek identity in harmful environments.Source: pexels-andy-barbour. Their presence feels easy to manage, especially in environments where teachers balance instruction, behavior, and diverse learning needs.
Still, experience has taught me that silence deserves attention, and I have learned to pause when a student seems present in body yet distant in every other way. During my professional work in Bogotá, I began to notice a student who stayed in my thoughts long after the school day ended. Juan Manuel, known as Juanma, did not ask for attention, yet his presence revealed itself through small, repeated details. I noticed his uniform looked neglected, his eyes carried a constant heaviness, and his body seemed tired before the day even started. Over several days, I paid closer attention. I saw how his backpack remained on the floor, almost as if it held no meaning. I saw how he avoided interaction, remained distant from classmates, and lowered his head during class with increasing frequency. These moments accumulated quietly and formed a pattern that I could not ignore. Teachers responded when he placed his head on the desk, calling his name and asking him to sit up. Some expressed frustration, while others continued with the lesson without further concern. I listened, yet I felt that something deeper remained unseen. No report followed, no conversation explored his reality, and over time, his behavior became familiar, and familiarity reduced concern. At that point, I made a decision. I would observe more carefully, and I would not allow him to remain unnoticed. I felt responsible for understanding what others had begun to accept as normal.One afternoon, while walking toward the cafeteria, I passed by a classroom that made me stop. Inside, a tenth-grade chemistry lesson was taking place. The teacher explained the topic at the front, and the class followed along, while at the back of the room, Juanma slept deeply with his head on the desk. I stood at the door for a moment and observed. The class continued, and no one seemed to register what was happening behind them. That moment stayed with me, and I felt that continuing toward lunch would mean ignoring something important. I entered the classroom and asked the teacher for permission to speak with him, then I called his name. His classmates began to laugh and repeated his nickname, and Juanma woke up disoriented, stretched slowly, and walked toward me with visible discomfort. When he stepped outside, he looked at me and asked, “What do you want?”In my office, I allowed silence to settle and resisted the urge to fill it. I did not rush him, and I paid close attention to his posture, his hesitation, and the way he avoided eye contact. I spoke calmly and shared what I had been observing over time, mentioning his tiredness, his distance, and the weight he seemed to carry.At first, his answers remained brief. He said he did not like to talk, and he repeated that he did not trust anyone. I listened without interrupting and allowed the space to remain open. Gradually, his tone softened, and he began to speak about He described feeling alone even when surrounded by others, and he expressed no reason to open up to anyone. I could sense the weight behind his words, and I understood that his tiredness in class reflected more than a lack of sleep. It revealed emotional exhaustion that had been present for a long time.After that conversation, I reflected deeply on what I had seen and heard. Juanma had not simply disengaged from school, he had begun to disconnect from himself. HisThis understanding connects with the principles I present in Identity Restoration Theory . Identity develops through connection, meaning, and belonging, and when those elements remain absent, a young person begins to search for identity in other spaces that offer recognition and a sense of existence. In my work, I have observed how environments outside the school can offer a sense of identity that feels immediate and accessible. For a young person who feels unseen, those spaces can become appealing, not as a deliberate move toward harm, but as a response to the need to feel recognized and valued. , I explain how emotional pain that remains unaddressed shapes behavior and direction over time . Pain does not disappear when ignored, it transforms and seeks expression in ways that are often misunderstood., with emotional neglect showing a particularly strong impact on psychological development . These findings reflect what I observed in Juanma, as his withdrawal, lack of trust, and emotional fatigue aligned with patterns described in the literature. I understood that intervention required more than correcting behavior, it required presence, consistency, and the creation of a space where he could begin to feel seen without pressure. I remained intentional in each interaction, allowing time and patience to guide the process rather than forcing immediate change. Over time, that steady presence created the conditions for trust to slowly emerge. Child neglect often remains concealed within everyday school experiences, where its indicators can be subtle and easily misinterpreted. It may be observed in the student who frequently sleeps in class, withdraws from interaction, or appears emotionally distant from the surrounding environment. It can also be reflected in students who present behavioral patterns associated with Oppositional Defiant Disorder, including persistent irritability, defiance, and emotional outbursts that are often misunderstood rather than explored. These manifestations require a response that extends beyond disciplinary measures. They call for careful observation, active listening, and a deliberate effort to understand the underlying experiences shaping the behavior. Juanma was never invisible. I chose to see him, and that choice changed the direction of what could have followed.https://doi.org/10.5281/zenodo.17874589Sigifredo Castell Britton, Ph.D., has degrees in criminal justice and forensic psychology from Walden University, as well as a degree from Universidad Internacional de La Rioja in Spain. He teaches psychology at various institutions.Self Tests are all about you. Are you outgoing or introverted? Are you a narcissist? Does perfectionism hold you back? Find out the answers to these questions and more with Psychology Today.
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