Advice from Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin.
I recently lost a significant amount of weight — enough that I had to go buy all new clothes. I know a young lady who doesn’t have any money, and she is about the size I was before. I think she could probably use my old clothes, but I can’t bring myself to ask her.
Is it rude to basically say, “I’m skinny now and don’t need these fat clothes, but I thought you could use them?” I’d love to hear what you have to say about this.What you are suggesting will not only draw attention to this young woman’s size, but also to her poor financial situation. Not a good idea when your intention is to be gracious. Of course you can offer the clothes to her, but only in the unlikely event that she asks.When we visit my brother and sister-in-law, he will take calls on speakerphone, stopping the rest of us from conversing. I hate it, but don’t know if there’s any way to suggest he take the call in private or off the speaker.It seems to Miss Manners an excellent opportunity to keep talking loudly. That it will annoy your brother into taking the call elsewhere is just a fortunate consequence.Our niece had a wedding shower recently. Living 1,800 miles away, we declined the invite, but went to the wedding registry and purchased a gift costing $100 and had it delivered.Fast-forward to two weeks before the wedding. My husband found out that father of the bride was ranting that we weren’t coming to the wedding and also weren’t sending a gift. We had planned only a card for the wedding, but my husband acquiesced and sent a $100 gift card for their honeymoon. To date, we have yet to receive a thank-you of any kind for either gift. I understand that times have changed, and I would have gladly accepted acknowledgment of the gifts via email or text . My daughter says it’s not the bride’s fault that she wasn’t taught to acknowledge gifts, but I am calling BS. I am giving them a year, and then I will send something in writing to the newlyweds and my BIL.Yes, it would be wrong to give a baby as a gift. Also to write a complaint. Otherwise, you are correct. You need not continue to give presents to people who do not acknowledge them. And your husband should not have allowed himself to be bullied by his brother into sending a second present. Because a present that is over $100, Miss Manner assures you, is indeed meant for a wedding and not a shower, whose gifts are supposed to be more nominal. You may consider your future present omissions a crash course in the consequences of a lack of appreciation, as this course was missing from bride’s upbringing.Miss Manners, written by Judith Martin and her two perfect children, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Marin, has chronicled the continuous rise and fall of American manners since 1978. Send your questions to dearmissmanners@gmail.com. Open & Shut: Anchorage gets new eateries — Polynesian, Mexican and American with global twists — as well as a game board cafe and a cannabis shopDear Annie: Being the victim of a crime stole my sense of peace
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