Advice from Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin.
I’m hosting a party with my best friend. We used a social networking site as our form of invitations; it’s a really informal event. My best friend’s ex-girlfriend saw it and has invited herself to the party.
She said, “I saw that you forgot to add me so I added myself.” I don’t want her at the party. There is a lot of bad history with her, simply because she creates drama. In the past, she has cried, fainted and even told others that she is contemplating suicide just to get attention. Ever since my best friend ended things with her, she has been showing up at events that she wasn’t invited to, throwing herself at him in sad attempts to win him back. If she shows up at the party, she will create such tension that it will be ruined. How do I politely tell her that she is not welcome, and what do I do if she shows up anyway?What does your best friend have to say about all this? It is not that Miss Manners mistrusts your intentions, but you are doing an awful lot of thinking and fretting on his behalf. The problem with posting events on social media is that other people see them — and either assume that they are invited, feel bad that they were not, or invite themselves. Although it is still impolite for the ex-girlfriend to have done the latter, a less public invitation would have eliminated the situation in the first place. How can we let them know their thoughts are appreciated, but we can’t eat the gift, without hurting their feelings?My daughter pushes food onto her fork with her index finger. Is it polite to use your knife for this purpose? Peas, for instance, are hard to eat with just a fork or spoon.How old is your daughter? If she is under 5, Miss Manners will allow her to use a spoon on a non-precedential basis. But any older than that, and she will have to learn to chase them around with a fork like everybody else.Miss Manners, written by Judith Martin and her two perfect children, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Marin, has chronicled the continuous rise and fall of American manners since 1978. Send your questions to dearmissmanners@gmail.com.Dear Annie: I’m worried my best friend is settling for a man who can’t give her the life she wantsAnchorage eyes key development dollars from Legislature amid prospect of more oil revenue
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