Motherhood can be both gratifying and guilt-inducing. These research-based strategies can help us feel more balanced as individuals and mothers.
If we can identify our “should” thoughts as simply thoughts, we can learn to respond differently to them. We can bring forward an attitude of self-compassion and acknowledge that the day was hard and that this is ok.
This International Women’s Day, I would love to contribute to our dialogue about women and motherhood. When we think of mothers, we may immediately visualize warmth, affection, connection, and, more often than not, associated feelings of. Guilt for dropping the ball on registering for that class on time. Guilt for being home late from work and being late to pick up your child. Guilt for not having enough time to prep for dinner. Or, as I notice feeling right now, guilt for procrastinating on other chores while writing this article. While women have increasingly become participants in the workforce, along with balancing family obligations, the conventional ideas of what being a “good mother” means continue to prevail.as “The guilt, the guilt, the guilt.” The unrealistic expectations and ongoing juggling, the extensive mental load of things to balance . All these contribute to increasedand guilt for not feeling like we’ve achieved it all. Oh, and don’t forget all that house cleaning, which, it may be accurate to say, is a never-ending task. When we add work into the mix, theis palpable. After all, these are impossible standards to meet! “I am a terrible parent,” we may say with exasperation.. Interviewing mothers in various parts of the world, one theme that arose consistently was the idea that “good mothers” need to sacrifice their own needs for their children. While different work-family policies shape which aspects of motherhood produce these guilty feelings, what is clear from this study is that feeling guilty tends to be equated to being a good mother.pandemic also contributed to a great increase in maternal mental health struggles .the right way?” as it is “Are you the adult that you want your child to grow up to be?” In other words, are we being our authentic selves and practicing what we are preaching and teaching to our children?of our emotions, thoughts, and actions by simply practicing following our breath for a few minutes each day. This can be followed by noticing our bodily sensations, and then by noticing our thoughts, just as clouds passing by. If we can identify our “should” thoughts as simply thoughts, we can learn to respond differently to them. We can bring forward an attitude of self-compassion and acknowledge that the day was hard In this book, author Kristin Neff shows how practicing self-compassion builds new habits and trains our brains to respond to our pain and mistakes from a place of empathy.play out in life, because life has many ups and downs. It’s not about doing it “just right”. It’s about showing up and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable while also showing ourselves the compassion that we would want our children to show to themselves. We can’t do everything… and that is okay. Brene Brown sums up this idea well: “Language shows us that naming an experience doesn’t give the experience more power, it givesthe power of understanding and meaning.” In fact, researchers have increasingly found that when we express and identify our challenging thoughts and feelings, our thoughts begin to have less power over us. Research has continuously found bringing in humour to be a powerful way to reduce mental distress. Professor Laurie Santos of Yale University has argued that one of the best ways to optimize our mental health is by having more fun in our lives, which she refers to as “funtervention.” Fun means beingis considered a passive activity. While passive activities may have their place, true fun, according to Santos, is the ability to be present in an activity, such as being goofy with friends, making time for adventures and new experiences, or stepping out of our comfort zone to experience genuine excitement and Realistically, making time for fun adventures is not always feasible, given the busy days we typically have. At the same time, as Santos suggests, we can infuse fun into our lives through what she calls “microdoses," that is, finding opportunities throughout the day to smile and engage with others, reflect on what we value, and try to take actions to get closer to these values. Children can say the funniest, most endearing things. If we attend fully and be in the present with our children’s silliness, even for a few minutes each day, we can begin to feel the power of microdoses and, in turn, feel more balanced and lighthearted., is a clinical child and adolescent psychologist. She works with children, adolescents, and families in Toronto and is the director and owner of the Mindful Kids Psychology Centre.Understanding what emotional intelligence looks like and the steps needed to improve it could light a path to a more emotionally adept world.
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