I Already Hated My Husband’s “Quirk.” But Retirement Has Made It So Much Worse.

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I Already Hated My Husband’s “Quirk.” But Retirement Has Made It So Much Worse.
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I can't stand it!

My husband recently retired and what was once a minor annoyance has escalated into an ongoing battle. “Kevin” wants to arrive at every event, appointment, or engagement 30 to 60 minutes early, even when we have a reservation, a time-specific invitation, or assigned seats.

I find this unnecessary and sometimes awkward. We almost always purchase tickets for events ahead of time and are assigned seats during the purchasing process. Likewise with dinner reservations: Waiting areas in restaurants are often small, with limited seating, and if there’s an option to wait at the bar, one is expected to purchase drinks, which can add considerably to the expense of dining out. I’ve considered driving separately, but we live in a large-ish city where parking can be challenging and sometimes expensive. Coupled with the current high cost of fuel, this seems financially irresponsible. I offer to drive if the event is during daylight hours, but I can’t see well at night, so that isn’t always an option. I’ve also tried stalling—needing to fix my hair, change my sweater, get different shoes, etc.—but this results in Kevin driving at unsafe speeds to “make up time.” I’m at the end of my rope and out of ideas. Trying to discuss or negotiate the issue with Kevin is pointless, mainly because he refuses to acknowledge that it IS an issue. He points out all sorts of improbable scenarios to justify his behavior . I’ve started to avoid making plans with him, but that’s not a long-term solution. I’d appreciate some advice.Oh, if only we could split the difference between my husband and yours! He is always late, slipping into his seat at the last possible second, even arriving at the airportbefore his flight boards. We used to fight about it. For a while, early in our marriage, I would tell him our appointments, engagements, tickets, and flights were at least half an hour earlier than they actually were—but then of course he caught on to it, and now, over three decades later, he looks at me suspiciously when I tell him what time we’re due anywhere.I Found Something in My Late Husband’s Things That Unveiled a Decade-Long Lie. I’m Not Sure I Should Tell Our Kids.You’re not going to change your husband . And I’m not going to do any long-distance psychoanalysis on him , nor am I going to side with either one of you .My Ex Cheated on Me When Our Son Was 6 Months Old. Years Later, I Still Have to Face a Reminder of His Infidelity.All I can tell you is that you either have to accept this particular eccentricity of his and intentionally practicebeing irritated by it, which is the route I’ve taken, or stop going places with him—by which I mean: Either don’t travel together or just don’t go at all. That is, instead of going out to dinner with him, eat your meals with him at home. Save restaurants for dinners with friends. Go to the theater alone or with a friend instead of with him . Overall, the second option—don’t go anywhere together—is harder on a marriage. Learning how to live with each other’s weirdness is crucial in a long and mostly happy marriage, so I urge you to at least try Door Number 1. If it helps you to not be resentful, try to think of some things about you that he has to put up with, whether he likes them or not. We’reI come from a blended family. All my parents’ children are grown, with families of their own. Three out of the four of us that my parents had together live within an hour of our parents; my stepbrother and I both live less than ten minutes away. The grandchildren range in age from 1 to 16, though most are in their early teens. My parents started hosting family dinners when the grandkids were young. But as the kids have grown up, my stepbrother’s family kept having other things to do ,

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