R. Eric Thomas addresses a grandparent's concern about their son and daughter-in-law's parenting style, specifically regarding interruptions from grandchildren. The advice focuses on reframing the situation and accepting differing parenting approaches while setting boundaries.
In today's Asking Eric column, R. Eric Thomas responds to someone who is bothered by their son and daughter-in-law's parenting habit with their two children. While my son and daughter-in-law are raising their children quite differently than how I parented, I feel they are loving and caring, and I have expressed my support to them.
However, there is one behavior that I really struggle with. The children, 5 and 8, interrupt conversations between adults with their own questions or wishes and the parents always drop the adult conversations and engage with the child, to the extent of leaving the room with the child and leaving the adult sitting, waiting to see if or when we’ll return to our chat. I feel disrespected and as if the exchange was not important. I have tried to redirect the children myself, saying, “Yes, I’d love to color with you. I am talking to your mom right now, but I will come to you in five minutes. ” This goes nowhere and does not curb the interruptions. The parents don’t back my efforts. It seems to me that they believe the child’s “need” always takes priority, whereas I view teaching a child to wait patiently and take turns is an important social skill. Help. How can I make peace with this situation?Though this practice wouldn’t be your choice and sets a precedent with the kids that could lead to entitled pre-teens, try to remove your feeling of being disrespected from the equation. Your son and daughter-in-law are managing hundreds of large and small decisions as they try to parent in a way that’s responsible and responsive to their children. While it’s your opinion that adult conversations ought not take a backseat to the needs and wants of the child, when they choose a different tactic, they’re not doing it because conversations with Grandma aren’t important, but rather because, in their view, every conversation has equal weight. In short, just let them. It can feel, sometimes, like these differences in parenting styles are subtle referendums on the choices you made in parenting. Try to see it more expansively. They’re parenting in a different world and in a different context. But you raised your son in a way that empowers him to make decisions, even decisions that, in your view, aren’t the best.Asking Eric: My stepdaughter makes nasty comments about me in front of my grandchildrenIf you purchase a product or register for an account through a link on our site, we may receive compensation.and agree that your clicks, interactions, and personal information may be collected, recorded, and/or stored by us and social media and other third-party partners in accordance with our
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