I realize if our other friend found out she would be very hurt, but how do you tell someone that the dynamics are different when she comes along ...
DEAR ERIC: I have been friends with two people for 45 years and 30 years, respectively, and we go away together at least twice a year. However, I prefer going away with one friend more than the other friend and sometimes two of us do go away on our own and say nothing.
I realize if our other friend found out she would be very hurt, but how do you tell someone that the dynamics are different when she comes along and she can be quite self-centered? I am in my late-50s and feel I should be able to do what suits me at this stage of my life. Why placate someone and, as a result, not enjoy myself as much? She has more family commitments than we do, but in truth we just prefer going away without her, commitments or no commitments. We just have more fun. What do you think?DEAR THREE’S: Yes, you absolutely can do whatever you want. And longtime friendship is not a binding contract requiring you to always vacation together. However, you have to decide if you’re OK with the consequences of your actions – namely, hurt feelings and perhaps a disruption in your friendship. What’s worse: feeling the stress you’re feeling around the covert vacations or choosing not to go so as not to risk being caught and hurting your friend? That’s up to you. The other option, of course, is to tell your friend in advance that you’re going away with the other friend. This replaces placating with directly communicating out of respect for your longstanding relationship. You don’t need to make it about her self-centeredness Instead, frame it as a choice you’re making. Yes, this may still involve hurt feelings, but the risk of being misunderstood lessens.Dear Annie: As much as I’ve done for my friends, no one has ever asked me to be a bridesmaidSeptember 27 birthday horoscope and your daily astrology Miss Manners: When I offer free concert tickets to friends, they often don’t respond or cancel last minute If you purchase a product or register for an account through a link on our site, we may receive compensation.and agree that your clicks, interactions, and personal information may be collected, recorded, and/or stored by us and social media and other third-party partners in accordance with our
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