In addition to being underpaid for teaching their lessons, providing childcare, and serving as mentors to the next generation, teachers are also underpaid for protecting their students from armed assailants. The Onion asked teachers why they need to be able to carry guns in the classroom, and this is what they said.
Mariana McGreevy, Science “I just love the looks on their dumb little faces when they’re acting up and I put my hand on my holster.” Quentin Adams , Math “To protect myself from all the other teachers with guns in their classrooms.” Erin Lockwood , Chorus “I just want to give my students something fun to steal.” Ryan DiPalermo, Physical Education “I need a way to neutralize a shooter in the event he isn’t down to wrestle.
” Shawn Grant, Gym “The average mile time drastically improves if you run at students with it.” Tina Ruiz, Biology “If that bitch Mrs. Sampson is gonna be packing, then you’d better fucking believe I will too.” Peter Huspin, Algebra “I find it adds a sense of urgency to the quadratic formula.” Cassandra Poole, Art “I could save a few bucks on lunch by sticking up the cafeteria.
Doug Christian Mass Shootings In The United States Tom Roskin Mariana Mcgreevy Drew Kim Veracruz Cassandra Poole Arming Teachers Erin Lockwood Sarah Bucharron Sampson Shawn Grant Tina Ruiz Rage Peter Huspin Beth Van Plinter Grant Palmer Benjamin Hines Education Quentin Adams School Shooting Michael Lamb Ryan Dipalermo The Onion
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