Miss Manners: Please pass the rolls--- and keep holding them
Can you please advise me on the proper way for individuals to serve themselves when passing dishes at a family-style dinner?
My mother emphasized that when one says, “Please pass the rolls,” and the breadbasket is passed around the table, the requester should accept the breadbasket in their hands with polite thanks and then hold it or set it down before selecting a roll. Consequently, I find myself feeling surprised and irritated when I’m the one extending the breadbasket to the requester and they take a roll -- quite often without an expression of thanks -- and happily begin buttering it while I am left holding the basket. I’m then responsible for finding a place to set it down before I can resume my meal.Family-style dinners are, by definition, informal.
The non-negotiable points, then, are: Do not leave grandparents -- or anyone else -- straining to lift something heavier than they are; do not leave anyone holding anything hot; if there is no way for people to serve themselves, offer to help -- usually by holding the tray steady. Lastly, thanks are always [email protected]
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