... it leads the host to apologize unnecessarily and then scramble to find something I can have.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have celiac disease. I don’t parade that information around, but I’m not trying to hide it, either. When someone offers me something that I cannot eat, I just decline by saying, “No, thank you,” and often the situation is taken care of.
However, something keeps happening to me and I’m unsure how to handle it. Someone around me will jump in and say, “She has celiac disease; she can’t have that!” -- which leads the host to apologize unnecessarily and then scramble to find something I can have. I am aware these comments come from a place of kindness, and while I wish to avoid making anyone feel guilty over my dietary restrictions, I also don’t want to risk my health by eating something that may make me sick.
Is there a polite way to firmly decline food, even when the person offering thinks it is safe for me? Is there anything I can do? GENTLE READER: It is generous of you to ascribe good intentions to a person who blabbed about your medical history and put you in the position of being rude to your host. But Miss Manners can fix that. Confess to the interloper in private later that you feel bad: You did not want your host to be put to any trouble on your account. If that does not make the point, and others are foolish enough to congratulate themselves -- or to scold you for not telling the host yourself -- you may add that sharing your medical condition with the host was not their decision to make.
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