A young adult brother is living with them to escape his dad’s abuse — with painful consequences for their food supply.
Last year, my husband and I took in my younger brother, 19. After our mom died two years ago, his dad became emotionally and physically abusive to him. I noticed some bruises on him, and when he told me what was going on, I said he should come stay with us. This leaves few options for dinner, no affordable ones, and it’s starting to bust our food budget. My husband gets annoyed when my brother’s eating hamburgers and we’re having chili stretched out with a lot of beans and rice.
The food issue is unfortunate, of course. But it’s also a chance to do even more to help your brother. He is old enough to be part of the solution. So please, present him both with the problem and with all the options you have available to you as a family; spread the parameters out on the table, basically, and say, “Okay, we’re feeding for three but spending for four, so let’s crack this together.
Or shaming of any kind: If you think he’ll react with self-loathing, then say nothing, shop extra-frugally and be patient. The impulse to correct a young person is normal, but respectful, age- and stage-appropriate inclusion is healthier. It honors both the brave adult he already is, and the sensitive one you’re giving him room to become.
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