A letter writer wants to break a “selfish” habit of relating others’ stories back to personal experience.
I’ve realized I can be selfish and try to relate to others by relating their experiences to my own. How can I do better?Try just listening. When there’s a pause in the conversation that beckons to you to take part, ask a thoughtful question about the person’s experience. Maybe it can be informed by your own, but you needn’t say that part out loud.
It can also be a good exercise to notice the difference between being quiet because you’re listening, and being quiet because you’re composing the next thing you want to say. The latter is something a lot of people do when they’re socially uncomfortable . If you’re doing that, then work to recognize it and turn your attention back to the speaker.
You can also ask first, when you have an experience you think would be relevant. Something like: “I went through something similar. I won’t step on your toes, but feel free to ask me about it later.” Also try imagining, deliberately, how they might see your example. If you’re susceptible to hijacking conversations, though, then stick to asking questions for a while and not raising your own stuff till you feel more able to keep the focus on the storyteller.
And if you hear yourself messing up, it’s also okay to stop in the middle and say: “Ugh, I hijacked your story, I’m sorry. Please go on.”When a person is in a mental health crisis, they are advised to visit their ER if things are serious. Other than keep that person safe from self-harm or harm to others, what can an ER do to help this person? I would like to share this info with a friend who is suffering a round of severe depression.
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