Is this letter writer making things worse by trying to help their husband care for his mom?
: My mother-in-law, “Sally,” recently moved into an independent living facility in our hometown. My husband’s four siblings live several hours away and are not remotely helpful. All of her children have a good deal of resentment toward Sally based on the way she compared them to and pitted them against each other throughout their lives and the demands and expectations she has of them with respect to their treatment of her. So it is no surprise that none of them value their relationship with her.
It has become an untenable situation; I want to help, but it seems to make it worse when I do. I also want my husband to be able to be with his mom without experiencing so much frustration and anger. I know therapy could help, but he is not interested in further adding to the time he spends on “mom” issues.: I sense that your primary frustration is with how little you’re able to help or ease the situation for your husband.
You may want to explore other ways to interact with his mom that feel less demanding on you both. Maybe it’s setting up online games you can play with her from afar, like Words With Friends, or planning a monthly book club with her along with your husband’s siblings via Zoom. This can help infuse joy into the relationship you both have with her without it feeling so emotionally taxing for all of you.
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