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"She will never go for that," I told my husband in 2023 when he suggested that my then-68-year-old mom sell the Hudson, New York, home she had lived in for 45 years and move an hour north to live with us.
After my stepdad died in 2020, she seemed to have a new lease on life. After all, she had been his caretaker for 25 years. She was spending time with friends, redecorating her house, and she seemed to be enjoying life. Until one day, something changed.
Her normally upbeat demeanor turned sad. She suddenly struggled to get out of bed. Some days, she didn't leave the house. She was over an hour away from me and her four grandkids, so I took a drive up to my childhood home in Hudson — a small two-bedroom ranch-style house intended to be a "starter home.
"During that visit, I had one mission: to convince my mom it was time to pack up her belongings and leave her old life behind to start a new one with us. To my surprise, I barely got the words out before she exclaimed, "Yes, let's do it, I'm ready!
"My immediate family is a big, blended one with three teens, one pre-teen, two dogs, and two cats. Even before my mom moved in, we lived in a large house to accommodate all of us. Our 2,700-square-foot house was formerly owned by my husband's uncle, who built the large center-hall colonial-style home 15 years ago. He gifted us the house, which sits on 2.5 acres.
Over the next decade, the large house and estate provided plenty of space for our kids to spread out across three upstairs bedrooms. It has four bedrooms in total, plus a den that could double as a bedroom if needed. But most importantly, in 2023, when it was time for my mom to move in nearly a decade later, we still had the land to expand.
My mom's house was in Hudson, which has become a desirable vacation spot for affluent people who can easily drive or take Amtrak up from New York City, sending home values in the area skyrocketing. While her 1,200-square-foot home was small and only mildly updated, she sold it for $300,000 in cash. Mom decided to use the profits from selling her home to build a house for herself on our estate.
But first, she moved into our guest bedroom as construction on her new home began. We ran into construction issues almost immediately. Even though we live atop a mountain with neighboring horse farms and more animals than people, we were subject to town regulations that prohibited us from building a separate structure for my mom. We discussed all the alternative options.
One was that Mom would live permanently in the main house with us. We decided against that. She's a pretty independent woman, and she's used to having her own space. We wanted to give her a respite from the daily chaos our home can bring.
We all agreed on the best course of action almost immediately: to build an addition onto our existing home. While we knew this was the more expensive and difficult path, we were excited about the value it would add to the house as a whole. We began construction of a 900-square-foot addition on our property that met all the town's requirements, and hired a local contractor.
We ran into some roadblocks, including the need for Mom to have her own garage to store her car. I had to appear before the zoning board to plead our case, since we already had a three-car garage and they needed to know why we wanted to build another one. The entire process took a year from start to finish, with the addition being completed in March of 2024. She ended up spending around $200,000.
My mother moved into her "side" of the house about a year ago. Her living area is a short walk through our existing garage, and a new mud room on her side. The kids love having "Nema" around all the time; Mom joins us for meals.
I love having an extra person to help with housework, such as grocery shopping and the occasional laundry, and shuttling kids to and from various events and practices — not to mention a built-in babysitter for our little guy, who's now 10. She lovingly refers to him as her "sidekick," and I think it's really special and rare that he gets to spend so much time with his elder family member.
Our two youngest sleep over occasionally on her pullout couch, and they consider it a special treat to stay at Nema's. On top of the benefits of having my mom under my roof, our house has also increased in value by about $75,000. Unfortunately, the flip side is that our property taxes also went up slightly, and school taxes went up by almost $2,000.
Still, our multigenerational house has been worth it, not only to give mom the forever home she deserves, but also to hopefully pass this home — and all its amazing memories — down to our children one day. This essay is part of The New American Home, a series that examines multigenerational houses. Read more.
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