When parents divorce later in life many people assume it is easier for adult children but it can still feel deeply unsettling. In the given scenario the daughter is worried about her aging mother's drinking and promiscuous behaviour. She tries to discuss her concerns but is disheartened by her mother's dismissive attitude. The daughter writes to a counsellor who advises her to approach her mother with care and compassion instead of reproaching her. The counsellor also suggests seeking the support of siblings if possible. Helpful resources are mentioned for talking to a parent about their drinking. The counselor does not tell the mother or child of the counselor's identity to maintain privacy. (Please note: The suggested resources do not necessarily represent or endorse the views of the website owner.)
Q I am having problems with my mother. She and my father divorced two years ago. She was tired of being stuck in the same old rut after 40 years shes in her mid-60s.
I think my father was relieved because my mother sometimes drinks a lot and she can be embarrassing in public or at parties. However her behaviour has become more concerning as she is very promiscuous. Whenever I call she seems to have a different man at her house or tells me about her latest exploit in far too much detail. On occasion I have seen her pour a glass of wine mid-morning.
I have tried to tell her I am worried about her health and the danger of sexually transmitted diseases but she says its her life and she wants to live it a it sounds as though youre shouldering a lot. When parents divorce later in life many people assume it is easier for adult children but it can still feel deeply unsettling. Her current behaviour is clearly troubling.
And while its true that she is free of course to have whatever sex life she chooses hearing intimate details and seeing her stream of partners understandably feels uncomfortable and upsetting for you. If you are worried about her drinking you might say that youve noticed she sometimes seems to need a drink quite early in the day and gently ask how shes feeling in herself writes Caroline West-Meads.
You could also try asking your siblings to talk to her too. Hearing similar worries expressed calmly and compassionately by more than one person can sometimes make them harder to dismiss. Drinkaware.co.uk has advice on how to talk to a parent about their drinking Alcohol Change UK (alcoholchange.org.uk) and Al-Anon (al-anon.org) are also helpful. Remember that you cannot make her change you can only encourage and support her.
So be kind to yourself youre dealing with a difficult and emotional situatio
Divorce Aging Parents Parenting Challenges Support For Adult Children Talking To Difficult Parents
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