A discussion on whether it is rude to avoid lengthy conversations with neighbors while performing yard work and a separate instance of rigid neighborly behavior regarding driveway usage.
During the weekends, my partner and I will be out in the yard, toiling away at various landscaping and home improvement projects, and sometimes our neighbors are out doing the same.
I have no issues with any of our neighbors, but here’s where my partner and I disagree: He will go over to the fence and have a lengthy chat with whoever is out there. He thinks it rude that I don’t do the same. I contend that an acknowledgment, such as a wave and a smile, is sufficient, but he says I’m being very rude.
Nine times out of 10 when this situation occurs, I’m doing something laborious and I don’t want to throw everything down and stand around for 15 minutes in idle chitchat. I’d rather just get the work done. Also, I’m kind of a procrastinator when it comes to yard work, and I feel that if I stop in the middle, I’ll lose my momentum.
I agree that this kind of behavior doesn’t make me appear to be the most friendly, but I don’t think that automatically means I’m being rude. If they wanted to chat when I wasn’t in the middle of a chore, I wouldn’t mind going over and playing nice. Am I right in just smiling, waving and continuing with my business? Or am I just deluding myself, and I really am an unneighborly boor?
Are those the only choices? Miss Manners agrees that you are not required to throw down the gardening shears and engage in a lengthy conversation every time you see a neighbor. But the choices you provide seem extreme — and we’ve only just met. The other day, a friend visited our home, and when he left, he started to use our neighbor’s driveway to turn his car around.
Our neighbor appeared on his front porch and said to our friend, “I don’t want you to use my driveway. ” My friend said, “No problem,” then turned his car around in the street instead. He had to pull forward and back up several times before he could be on his way. I found the neighbor’s request to be quite ridiculous.
Did I miss something? Is it inappropriate to use someone’s driveway, without permission, to turn around? Yours is not the first report Miss Manners has seen of homeowners complaining about cars turning around in their driveways. Yet many people would eventually be both property owners and drivers in need of a turnaround.
Like you, it appears to her to be a neighborly thing to allow, believing that 95% of the time it would not affect the homeowner. The 5% of the times when it would be a problem could easily be identified and avoided by reasonable people. Alas, we do not live in reasonable or neighborly times.
She therefore agrees with your departing friend that it is the neighbor’s driveway, and it is less trouble to comply than to have an angry neighbor explaining how you have wronged them. Miss Manners, written by Judith Martin and her two perfect children, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Marin, has chronicled the continuous rise and fall of American manners since 1978. Send your questions to dearmissmanners@gmail.com.
Dear Annie: My granddaughter is setting a boundary, but her parents don’t seem to careJalen Brunson helps the Knicks take a 2-0 lead over the 76ers with a 108-102 victory
Etiquette Neighbors Social Boundaries Yard Work Miss Manners
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