'It's about boundaries, not rent.'
My roommate is dating someone who stays over most nights now. She keeps stuff in the fridge, uses our washer. Our place feels like her apartment too. What can I say? At what point, can I ask her to contribute to the rent?
Okay well then … during my junior year of college I was the bad roommate who let her boyfriend move in with her and her roommate.He kind of just showed up with his stuff on my 20th birthday, and I just let it happen? I will say, I wanted my ex-boyfriend to pay his share of rent … and utilities … and do the dishes, so while it may seem like your roommate may not be aware of the dynamic, they probably are.They probably just don’t know how to broach the subject with their partner because, if their partner is living there and not contributing, this is likely one of several issues in that relationship.
Also, if the roommate is paying his/her part of the rent, why would you be asking for the girlfriend to pay?I actually think it’s an overstep even if you like the person because you didn’t sign up to live with them! I mean, in my experience my ex was a great guy: He cooked yummy dinners, was tall enough to get things down from the top shelf, affable, but he also wasn’t on the lease!
Exactly. It’s about boundaries, not rent. So we have to figure out the best way to broach the subject.But I don’t think you can tell the partner straight up to pay rent — you need to make it a household conversation or empower your roommate to broach it. Otherwise, you’re inserting yourself in the relationship.
I agree. I don’t think you ask the boyfriend to pay rent, especially if the rent is still getting paid. But you can set limits for how much time the significant other is there.Or, if the situation really is that the partner needs a place to stay, you have to make it about fairness vs. just the money. Are they contributing enough to warrant all that space in the fridge? Should they be chipping in on cleaning duties too if they’re there so much?
It’s about the overall dynamic, and splitting rent is part of that. Living arrangements can’t only be solved with throwing money at the problem.What’s the best way to broach that subject without starting a fight? Do you just talk it out with the roommate, or do you involve the roommate’s significant other?
Drawing from my experience as the bad roommate, my poor friend just suffered in silence while my ex-boyfriend took advantage of us for a free place to stay because his roommates didn’t like that he was bad at picking up after himself.
Well, how do we solve it then? Address it head on.Call a household meeting and maybe phrase it as: “I’ve been noticing that your partner has been staying here way more often, to the point where they seem like a third roommate sometimes. Are you comfortable asking them to contribute more in XYZ ways” from rent to whatever else is bugging you.Because again, I would bet the roommate knows her partner is being a leech and might just need a kick in the butt to start the conversation.
That sounds fair. But what if she doesn’t and she gets mad and you actually like your roommate?Then I think you need to have a very real conversation about how your name is on the lease, the partner’s isn’t, and if they don’t start contributing … it might be time to bring this to the landlord.
Do I make up an excuse or tell the truth to get out of a Shore house plan?
My boyfriend never wants to leave his Philly neighborhood. Is that a red flag?
I'm a food writer who covers how trends are reshaping Philadelphia's dynamic food scene, from the growth of Philly's restaurant merch to why venture capital-backed chains can't stop coming to our city. I also cover labor dynamics — and changes to the workplace — within the hospitality industry.
As a columnist, I write about gender, race, fashion, culture and wellness. I share my personal take on the way we live and how we style our lives.
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