A woman shares her experience of buying a home with her mother, detailing the financial benefits, emotional support, and the unexpected ways it strengthened their family and helped others.
When my children were young, we saw my parents frequently. We lived close to each other in South Plymouth, Massachusetts, and my parents were always there to help with the kids.
From the time they were born, Wednesdays were dedicated as Grammy and Grampy Day. My father’s illness began in 2005, and when we learned in the summer of 2011 that his time was limited, we discussed how life would change after his passing, including my mother’s living arrangements. After he passed away in December 2011, my mother, at 68, wasn’t prepared to live with us, having been with my father since she was 15.
In April 2015, a house in Pembroke, Massachusetts, about 30 minutes from South Plymouth, became available. The moment I saw it online, I knew it was perfect. The house is 4,300 square feet, with an 800-square-foot basement. The upper level features three bedrooms and 3.5 bathrooms.
My mother immediately loved the basement apartment, which is filled with natural light. It includes a bedroom, a den, a full kitchen, a fireplace, its own laundry facilities, 1.5 bathrooms, a private outdoor patio, and two separate entrances. We made an offer within two days and purchased the house in April 2015 for $630,000. My mother didn’t want ownership; instead, she contributed financially to the down payment, equivalent to five years of potential rent, and also covered annual utility costs.
Last year, she began contributing more monthly to help with overall household expenses, effectively avoiding rent for ten years, while acknowledging the increasing maintenance costs as the house ages. She was a great help with my children’s education, especially when they were homeschooled at ages 10 and 11. We frequently visited Boston for museums and activities, and she occasionally assisted with driving and became their English teacher, leveraging her prior teaching experience.
Grammy Wednesdays continued, and my now 20 and 22-year-old children would visit her independently. My mother maintains excellent boundaries, respecting our parenting choices while offering support. At 82, her independence has decreased due to health issues, but she still enjoys privacy, and our interactions vary from frequent to infrequent. We’ve experienced medical emergencies, prompting me to keep my phone nearby.
I can’t imagine how much more challenging it would be to support my aging mother if we didn’t live together, worrying about her loneliness and the time commitment of providing support from a distance. Initially, the primary financial benefit of combining households was the ability to afford a larger, nicer home.
Around the time we purchased this house, my brother’s family faced foreclosure after his wife suffered a traumatic brain injury from a drunk driver, leading to housing instability and significant medical bills. Because of our multigenerational living arrangement, we were able to access equity in the house to help them. We secured a home equity loan and purchased a small house, renting it to them at a rate that covered the bills.
Within two years, they rebuilt their credit and purchased the house from us, restoring their financial stability. We used the proceeds to buy a vacation property in Vermont, which we operated as an Airbnb for four years. Selling it allowed us to pay off our children’s student loans. We’ve all been able to build wealth through this arrangement, something I hadn’t anticipated eleven years ago.
I believe multigenerational living offers a compelling solution to both the elder care and affordable housing challenges we face
Multigenerational Living Elder Care Affordable Housing Family Finance Homeownership Aging Parents
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