'We need to accept worry, acknowledge the stressors and limitations it has imposed on us, and focus pragmatically on achieving the best possible outcomes under the circumstances.'
Trying to stop worry will only increase the anxious thoughts, perpetuating a state of fear.
To stop worrying, one needs to accept worry, and then focus pragmatically on solving the issue the best way possible under the circumstances.It’s the easiest advice in the world to give, and it’s perhaps the hardest advice in the world to follow: “Don’t worry about it.” It sounds so easy, doesn’t it? “Don’t worry about it.” That’s the kind of clichéd phrase we toss out in conversation a dozen times a day without thinking: “Take it easy,” “keep an eye out,” “go with your gut.” Such platitudes are basically meaningless; they’re also basically harmless; and sometimes they can give you a little nudge in the right direction.
But for the life of me, I cannot think of a single situation in which being told “don’t worry about it” actually helped me to, you know, stop worrying. When I’m worried, it usually means that I’m afflicted with nagging, unhelpful thoughts and anxieties about an uncertain situation I am powerless to control. And when I try to interrupt those thoughts, I inevitably discover that, perversely, my efforts just make things worse.
So why can’t we just stop worrying? Why is this little piece of well-meaning advice so uniquely unhelpful, even destructive?To answer this question, we must first define “worry.
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