This article provides advice on dealing with two challenging situations: a mother's insistence on traveling despite cognitive decline and a couple's repeated uninvited visits. It offers strategies for open communication, setting boundaries, and prioritizing the well-being of both the individual and the relationship.
My mother has developed a passion for travel in recent years, but this has caused my sister and me significant stress. She has mobility issues, has been diagnosed with cognitive decline, and her doctor advises against solo travel. My father, nearly 90, is no longer able to keep up. When my schedule allows, I've accompanied her on trips, witnessing her forget meals, become confused about her location, struggle to walk during tours, experience aches and pains, and spend half the day sleeping.
Just last month, she couldn't manage online check-in for her cruise or locate the car I had booked when she arrived in my city. She stayed with me for several days afterward, barely leaving the couch and complaining about the trip's exhaustion. Less than two weeks later, she announced plans for a lengthy cruise to Asia next year, clearly forgetting her recent experience. I was so distressed I had to end the call. At this point, what options do we have? My sister and I don't want to take away something she looks forward to, even if she doesn't fully enjoy it anymore. We've offered to alternate taking her on three or four shorter trips each year, but this hasn't been helpful. I understand this is a concerning situation, and you want to protect your mother, but don't make rash decisions like taking away her credit cards or travel documents. Trying to disempower her might cause her to withdraw or cut you off. She needs your support moving forward. If possible, you or your sister should accompany her to the doctor and discuss the nature of her cognitive decline. Compare the doctor's observations with your own experiences. With the doctor and your mother present, clearly express your concerns about her travel and seek the doctor's advice. Even if the doctor reiterates that solo travel is not advisable, ask for alternative strategies and ways to help your mother remember. Make her a partner in her care. With cognitive decline, it often takes multiple conversations for a loved one to make a change. However, by continuing to be honest and compassionate with your mother while also being insistent about the need for greater involvement in her care, you can empower her while ensuring she receives the necessary support.Another issue I'm dealing with is a couple who repeatedly invites themselves to our house, even more than once a year, and always during the winter months. We live in Florida, and they're Northerners, and their invitations are never reciprocated. I'm sure they're unaware of our true feelings, as we never invite them to visit us. How can we extricate ourselves from this uncomfortable situation? These 'snowbirds' may have stumbled upon a golden opportunity when they met you on that cruise. They might not realize they're overstepping, so it's time to set some boundaries. You can have a direct conversation with them, explaining that things have changed on your end and suggesting it's best if you all go your separate ways. This avoids ambiguity but could cause some hurt feelings, especially if everything seemed fine previously. Their feelings are their responsibility to manage. If that feels too confrontational, simply tell them you're unavailable to host them the next time they call to invite themselves. 'We're glad you enjoyed yourselves, but things have changed for us, and we can't welcome you as we did in the past.' If you want to maintain civility, perhaps offer to meet for a meal when you're next near their area.
TRAVEL COGNITIVE DECLINE CARE BOUNDARIES COMMUNICATION FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS
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