We don’t need to become different people to be kinder and more caring. We just need to remind ourselves, often and with pride, when we acted so in the past.
Reflecting on past kindness makes people more likely to repeat it. Small shifts in behavior can transform an entire workplace culture. Many leaders I meet share the same aspiration: They want their managers to lead with warmth, caring, and kindness.
It sounds obvious—who wouldn’t want that? But here’s the uncomfortable truth: Not all people are naturally warm. Some are analytical, some are task-driven, some are simply reserved. Telling them to “be more caring” is about as effective as telling someone to “be taller.
” So the question becomes practical: Can you help managers, people, become more caring without trying to change who they are? In my work leading a business with 25 managers, I’ve found that the answer is yes—but not by preaching values. Instead, we trainRather than asking managers to become different people, we ask them to notice something they already do—but rarely focus on.meetings, each manager is asked to share a real story: a moment in which they acted with kindness.
It can be small. Helping an employee through a tough day. Being patient when someone made a mistake. Taking time to listen instead of rushing to solve.
Over time, something subtle shifts. Managers begin to look for these moments in their daily work—because they know they’ll be asked about them. And what we look for, we tend to do more of. Managers are asked to recall moments in their own lives when they were on the receiving end of kindness.
A boss who supported them. A colleague who stepped in. A teacher who believed in them. The answers are remarkably consistent.
People describe feeling seen, valued, calmer, more motivated. They remember those moments vividly—even years later. Another powerful exercise is reframing. Some managers insist, “I’m just not that kind of person.
” But when we examine real situations from their work, a different picture often emerges. A manager who pushed an employee to improve may, on reflection, recognize that their intent was to help that employee succeed and that they truly believed they could. They were actually caring for that employee, helping him to grow. Kindness isn’t always soft or obvious.
Sometimes it shows up as patience, consistency, or even holding someone accountable. These techniques don’t transform personalities overnight. A naturally blunt manager won’t suddenly become warm and expressive. That’s not the goal.
Over time, each manager becomes a slightly better version of themselves—more aware, more intentional, more capable of small acts of care. And those small shifts accumulate. What’s been most encouraging is what happened next: Managers began using the same techniques with their own teams. They asked employees to share moments of kindness.
They created space to reflect on feeling supported. They started to notice and reinforce caring behaviors.trait—you either have it or you don’t. But in practice, kindness and caring for others are things that we can each improve. That’s the real opportunity for everyone: not to demand of ourselves to become someone else, but rather to help ourselves and others become more of who we already are at our best.
, is the author of Winning with Underdogs, the founder of Call Yachol, which works with severely disabled individuals, and a top 100 influencer in the Israeli economy, according to the publication The Marker. Self Tests are all about you. Are you outgoing or introverted? Are you a narcissist?
Does perfectionism hold you back? Find out the answers to these questions and more with Psychology Today.
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