'I miss the feeling that someone always had my back, that there was one person in the world who always had me somewhere on his mind. And the things my heart misses, I will always miss,' writes SophiaDembling
We find substitutes to fill the holes as best we can.Today’s post is for those of us who have lost a spouse or partner.
And I miss the stories about his days—the people who stopped into his picture framing shop, the things they talked about, his accomplishments, his frustrations. His days were part of my days, and without them, I have lost the piece of the wider world he brought home with him each evening.I miss the feeling that someone always had my back, that there was one person in the world who always had me somewhere on his mind.
I miss his hugs. It’s not that I can’t and don’t get hugs from other people, but his hugs fit and soothed me in a way no others ever have. Among the painful ironies of losing a partner is that this was the person to whom you always turned for comfort, and now, in your greatest need, that person is gone. I hug his pillow, which still smells of him, but it’s not the same. And I got a dog—a big muscular dog who likes cuddles and is very satisfying to hug.
“There’s another one,” we would say to each other, and each time was a little tug of connection. I believe that helped us through to the other side of the crisis. Since Tom died, I have been recording our personal language and jokes in my journal as they come to mind, so I will always have them. I still say these things aloud to no one, and they are still a little tug of connection.
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