“I do not know everything, but I do know this—an elephant can hold a baby’s bottle as well as it can hold a man’s secrets.” In newyorkerhumor, Julie Vick imagines some babysitting tips from Ernest Hemingway.
“There were no baby-sitters then and [our baby] Bumby would stay happy in his tall cage bed with his big, loving cat named F. Puss. . . . There was no need for baby-sitters. F. Puss was the baby-sitter.”If you cannot find a babysitter in Spain, then look for a bull. Bring your baby to the Plaza de Toros on a night that the stadium is as empty as the whiskey bottle of a jealous lover. A bull will not attack a baby. Though the baby must be sure not to wear a cape.
But there is one thing a parrot cannot do—type for you when you’ve had too much absinthe.Some say that it is pretty to think of a horse being the caregiver of a child. As a young man in Paris, I spent many days at the horse races. I learned that, just when I would come to trust one of these creatures, it would let me down. So I would never leave a baby with a horse.A monkey that howls makes an excellent babysitter.
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