Columbia Business School professor Adam Galinsky reveals in his book 'Inspire' that the phrase 'I'm disappointed in you' can be damaging to a child's confidence and should be avoided.
Ivy league sociologist: The 4-word phrase you should never say to your kids if you want them to be successful and well-adjusted. In his upcoming book 'Inspire: The Universal Path for Leading Yourself and Others,' sociologist and Columbia Business School professor Adam Galinsky wants to help minimize the harm we often do to one another with seemingly innocuous comments.
In an interview with CNBC Make It, he identified one frequently used remark that has an outsized effect on a child's confidence. 'One phrase that I think we try to use in a motivational way but we don't realize how damaging it is for kids is 'I'm disappointed in you,'' he says. Parents usually deploy it when they want to correct a behavior, but saying it can actually cause the opposite to happen. This is because it instills kids with a sense of shame, and shame is not a productive emotion, Galinsky says: 'If we make our kids feel shame, that's never a good thing.' Shame doesn't encourage critical thinking or problem solving. It's'debilitating and destabilizing,' Galinsky says. Guilt, on the other hand, can motivate kids to find a solution. If you want your kids to learn from their mistakes, don't just tell them that what they've done is wrong. Ask them how they can do a better job in the future. 'Instead of saying 'I'm disappointed that you didn't do your homework,' you can say, 'How can we set up a system where you get your homework done? Let's think of a plan for doing that,'' Galinsky says. This teaches kids that they can tackle challenges, even if they don't get it right the first or second time
Parenting CHILD DEVELOPMENT EDUCATION DISAPPOINTMENT COMMUNICATION
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