How to resist people-pleasing tendencies that come at the expense of your own needs and identity, writes DrJillWeber
The more agreeable you are to others, the more you may also abandon your own identity and needs.
Learning to stay connected with yourself during social interactions increases self-esteem and decreases social anxiety.You know the drill—you have your preferences and desires, but once you enter a social situation, you’re at a loss. You get caught up in the need to please and to make others happy with you. Suddenly you find yourself agreeing about opinions, restaurants, outings, and people in ways that don’t really represent your true self.
And if someone slights you or says something offensive, your need to not make waves leaves you entirely speechless, like no words come to you to represent your point of view. Once you’re away from the situation, you realize how upset you are and dwell on what you wish you would have said… but alas, the moment has passed.
When you agree to something and then realize you’re not on board, try: “I am rethinking my decision,” or “I answered too quickly: I actually don’t want to do….” When you’re still thinking over how you feel, just ask a question: “What do you have in mind?” or “What was your plan?” or “How did you come to feel that way?” are good options.It’s easy when we’re in a people-pleasing state of mind to just want others to like us to our own detriment.
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