'You look amazing. Have you lost weight?' This common compliment may reinforce stigma and complicate eating disorder recovery.
Praising weight loss reinforces harmful beliefs about which bodies deserve approval.We can show care more thoughtfully by complimenting the person, not their body.This is meant to be a compliment. It’s usually said warmly, sometimes even enthusiastically.
In our culture, weight loss is widely understood as something positive, something to celebrate. Yet the ripple effects of comments like this can be more complicated than people realize., I hear a version of the same story again and again. The time in someone’s life when they received the most praise for their appearance was also the time they were the most unwell.And people kept telling them how great they looked.Even when weight loss is intentional, it doesn’t necessarily mean someone is healthier or happier. Health is far more complex than a number on a scale. Yet culturally, we are taught to read bodies as if they tell a simple story: smaller means better. But bodies are far more complex than that.Another layer of the issue is the assumption that weight loss is inherently desirable. Human bodies naturally exist across a wide range of shapes and sizes. That diversity is part of normal human biology. But culturally, we have elevated one body type as the ideal and framed movement toward that ideal as success. When we automatically praise weight loss, we reinforce that hierarchy of bodies.in healthcare, workplaces, and social environments. Studies also show that experiences of weight stigma are linked with poorer psychological well-being, increased stress, and unhealthy eating behaviors .The Complicated Reality of Eating Disorder Recovery What people often don’t realize is how comments about weight can affect eating disorder recovery. Part of recovery involves learning to stop obsessing about weight entirely. People practice eating consistently, responding to hunger and fullness cues, and stepping away from rigid rules about food and exercise.Sometimes, when someone begins caring for their body in a more balanced way, their weight changes. In some cases, weight loss may occur as a byproduct of becoming more regulated and responsive to their body. And then the compliments begin.Maybe this is what people like about me. Especially early in recovery, comments about weight can unintentionally reinforce the very behaviors someone is trying to leave behind.Most people who comment on weight are trying to connect or express care. The intention is not the problem. The focus is. There are many ways to compliment someone that do not center on their body size. You might say:For generations, we’ve been taught that weight loss is good news. Questioning that assumption can feel unfamiliar. But doing so allows space for something healthier: recognizing that bodies change, that health is complex, and that people deserve respect regardless of size. And sometimes the kindest compliment is the simplest one: “It’s really good to see you.”Carolyn Karoll, LCSW-C, CEDS-S,Self Tests are all about you. Are you outgoing or introverted? Are you a narcissist? Does perfectionism hold you back? Find out the answers to these questions and more with Psychology Today.
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