This article explores two challenging family situations. First, it addresses the dilemma of a grandmother who feels used by her son, who only contacts her when he needs childcare. It offers advice on how to initiate a conversation about wanting a closer relationship. Second, it delves into the complexities of dealing with a hostile ex-spouse who continues to disrupt family gatherings, despite a history of abuse and legal protection. It examines the impact of this situation on the family and suggests strategies for setting boundaries and protecting emotional well-being.
I'm 58 years old and have seven grandchildren who mean the world to me. One of my sons, however, only seems to reach out when he needs me to watch his kids. I adore spending time with them -- they're all under 5 -- and I don't mind helping out at all. I have serious health issues, so every moment with them is precious. I hope to create lasting memories for them while I can. That said, it hurts that my son doesn't make an effort to connect with me beyond needing child care.
I want to address this with him, but I'm worried about how he'll react. I don't want to damage our relationship or risk losing time with my grandchildren. How can I talk to him about this without causing tension? The best way to address this is to talk it over with your son. It's possible he doesn't even realize how his actions are making you feel. When you talk to him, keep it simple and heartfelt. Let him know that you miss him and would love to spend some quality time together -- just the two of you. Perhaps suggest grabbing lunch or coffee sometime soon. By framing it in a positive way and focusing on your desire to reconnect, you can open the door for more authentic connection with him, and with your grandchildren, and it will not put him on the defensive.My husband and I have been together for over 30 years. He was married once before and has two adult children. His previous marriage was a nightmare, ending in a bitter divorce. His ex caused significant division within the family, subjected their children to unnecessary scenes, and behaved so erratically that my husband was granted a protective order against her. She never apologized to him for her actions and even went as far as calling the police during visitation exchanges, falsely accusing him of harassment. On one occasion, she and her sister created such chaos at my husband’s sister’s house that his sister had to obtain a peace order to keep her away. Now, my stepdaughter has taken it upon herself to invite her mother to family events on my husband’s side, such as Easter and Christmas Eve. My husband, who never bad-mouthed his ex to their kids, should have set boundaries long ago but didn’t. I’m also hurt by my sister-in-law, who never liked the ex but avoids confronting my stepdaughter to keep the peace. I’ve decided not to attend any event where the ex might be present. She blamed me for the breakup, even though I had nothing to do with it, and I feel strongly that she has no business at these gatherings. My late mother-in-law used to say the ex must not have heard the judge declare them divorced
Family Relationships Grandchildren Divorce Boundaries Communication Difficult Ex Protective Order Family Dynamics
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