The author describes a dilemma after learning of rumors about a longstanding friend's inappropriate behavior towards women within their shared circle. They grapple with the emotional fallout, guilt for maintaining the friendship, and the fear of hurting the friend's family while also wanting to avoid condoning the alleged actions.
I have a friend, Doug, I’ve known for 30 years. I moved away, but we get together once or twice a year. I’ve known his wife longer than him and watched their son grow up, attending his sports activities when visiting and contributing to school fundraising activities. He’s a good kid. I’ve recently heard rumors that Doug has made inappropriate advances toward and touched women within our circle of friends. It occurred once when I was there. Sadly, there has been more than one accusation.
I do not distrust those rumors. While I didn’t witness it, the behavior following the event makes sense to me now. I’m sad, disappointed and a little angry. I have distanced myself from Doug because one of the victims is also a close friend. I feel guilty for maintaining a relationship with him as if nothing has occurred. I’m continually asked by Doug’s wife and son when I am going to visit again. Now that I’m semi-retired, I am out of excuses. I can’t just go off the grid, and I clearly don’t want to be the one to destroy the family. I also don’t want to dishonor the victim by behaving as if nothing has happened. Is there a way out of this
Friendship Inappropriate Behavior Rumors Guilt Family Dynamics
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