My 10-Year-Old Daughter Wants to Be Dead. When I Tried to Help, I Saw How Deep Our National Crisis Really Is.

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My 10-Year-Old Daughter Wants to Be Dead. When I Tried to Help, I Saw How Deep Our National Crisis Really Is.
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I know what my daughter and thousands of other children are trying to tell us.

That evening, I wait with Ash on hard plastic chairs in a tired room where the only other person is a woman sitting with her legs propped up on her suitcase laughing hysterically at something we cannot know. We are quickly called into an evaluation room where a social worker who toggles between empathy and no-nonsense officiousness spends the next 90 minutes interviewing Ash and me, then Ash alone, then both of us together again.

On Thanksgiving morning, Ash’s dad calls around to inpatient units that have a better reputation than the hospital where Ash went in March. Even though he is a doctor, and speaks the language they know, every call is fruitless: No one will share information on capacity with anyone other than a referring physician in a hospital.

A small window finally opens on Monday, when Ash’s dad takes her to an intake session at a very highly regarded children’s psychiatric hospital in Baltimore. This time, we are far better prepared. We know that the program is a good one. We have Ash’s full agreement to the intake and possible hospitalization, and she is in a good mood as she packs her bag.

After calling around and joining waitlists and doing a few intake sessions, we find a therapist at a reputable practice not too far from our house who has an opening for Ash. Even better, the practice has psychiatrists on staff, and we are hopeful that she can transition to having all of her therapeutic and psychiatric care managed by one team.

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