Advice from Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin.
: My brother is intelligent, educated, well-spoken and has a responsible job. He is also openly racist, misogynistic and homophobic -- all for religious reasons, of course.
That does not sound quite right to me, but I can’t exactly put my finger on what’s wrong with it. He is otherwise a charming and enjoyable person to be around. At this point, the rest of the family just deals with it by avoiding these subjects.Of course it is tempting to poke the bear, even though you know how the bear will react. Your brother is presumably a grown-up, entrenched in his prejudices, and arguing is less likely to reform him than to spoil family gatherings.
During our gathering, these relatives sit down together before dinner and do not move about or mingle until it is time to go. They only interact with others as a group, and only speak with the individuals opposite them during dinner.My husband believes that this year, we should promote mingling by using place cards at the dinner table to “break up the cabal” , but I wonder if that will incite general revolt and make the event even more alienating.
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