Advice from Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin.
: A friend has a small dog. Though well-loved and generally well-behaved, he barks when anyone arrives, not stopping until someone gives him a treat. The hostess keeps treats at the door and hands them to guests upon arrival.
I would never correct my friend, but may I politely demur and say, “Why no, thank you,” when the hostess insists I reward her dog for barking at me? She seems so disappointed in me when I refuse. What should I do?: When offered a treat, put a little more graciousness into that “no, thank you.” Then make room for the next guest before your perplexed host is tempted to explain that the treat was not meant for you.For the last 10 years, three couples and I have been close friends.
Even so, I was eager to support both parties. A month later, I learned of another couple’s plans to divorce. Again, I was very supportive of both parties.But now, the remaining couple, as well as the husband from the first divorce and the wife from the second, make plans that do not include me. I feel that the longer I act oblivious, the more it undermines my friendship with this new couple. I think they assume my “alliance” is with the first divorced wife, but I’ve said multiple times that that’s not true.: Both of your goals -- staying friends with the remainder of the group and being up on the latest gossip -- are achievable, but require different approaches.
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