A reader writes to Miss Manners about the overwhelming number of parties hosted by a friend and their husband, which seem focused on receiving gifts rather than genuine celebration. The reader feels guilty declining these invitations because of the lack of appreciation shown for attendance and gifts. Miss Manners advises the reader to politely decline the invitations and attend without bringing a gift if they choose to go.
They hold celebrations and attach a wish list, sometimes with hundreds of gift ideas, to every invitation. Birthday parties, gender-reveal parties, baby showers , housewarming parties … it’s never-ending.
I feel guilty declining these invitations, but at the same time, I honestly believe these are just gift-grabbing events. I do think I would feel differently if there was some feeling of genuine appreciation. Small wonder you do not want to feed their greed. The only polite way to tell them that is to refuse their invitations, which you have done. And they are not listening.Presents may be customary, but they are not compulsory. Therefore, you could attend the parties but choose not to add to the warehouse. Should your friend be so crude as to mention the omission, you could say, “I am just happy to celebrate with you. And I know you have a lot of stuff.
PARTY ETIQUETTE GIFT GIVING FRIENDSHIPS SOCIAL OBLIGATIONS MISS MANNERS
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