A woman writes to Abby about struggling to maintain a long-distance friendship with a friend who seems uninterested in connecting.
Dear Abby: Now that my husband and I have moved, I've tried to keep connected with a friend. It's hard to do, though, when we're far apart. What would you advise? Fifteen years ago, after six years of marriage, my husband and I moved 3,000 miles away from everyone I knew. I wasn’t in favor of the move and never felt at home in the new city, but I tried to make the best of it. We struggled financially the entire time because of the recession and our large mortgage.
I met some nice people but made only one real friend, who I’ll call “Gayle.” Three years ago, I convinced my husband we should move somewhere else so we could retire and be more financially secure. We compromised, but it is still far from my old hometown. I have tried hard to stay connected to Gayle. When I reach out to her, she responds, but usually with only a few sentences and often complaining about her own circumstances. She never reaches out to me or asks about me and never tries to extend the conversation. I know from experience that Gayle’s not happy, and I worry because I think she might be drinking too much. I’m sad that she doesn’t seem to want to stay connected, but it’s painful to keep reaching out and getting so little back. I’m tired of trying but unsure if I should tell her how I feel or just give up. Please advise. Some relationships are situational. You can’t do all the work of maintaining a long-distance friendship if Gayle isn’t willing to put forth some effort. All you will get is more frustration. You have referred twice in your letter to your original hometown, but if you were to visit there, you might find that your old friends have moved on in their lives and the period of life you yearn for cannot be replicated. That’s why it may be time to devote your energy to starting new activities in your new community. From that will come new relationships and possibly new friendship
Friendship Long Distance Communication Moving Relationships
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