This Thanksgiving, let's give ourselves grace, a process like Crème Brûlée: We break through a chiseled exterior to a lighter, more forgiving space.
Talking with others can be healing. It's validating to know that you are not alone.The challenge of crème brûlée is not overcooking the crème. If baked too long, it will end up like jello.We can be so hard on ourselves.
The Oxford English Dictionary defines grace as “bestowing freely and without regard to merit, and which manifests in the giving of blessings.” There’s an understanding connected to grace. When applied to our own lives, we gives ourselves permission to say, “It’s OK. We did the best we could at that moment.”But of course there may also be ways that giving ourselves grace might just not hold up, such as facing an intentional wrongdoing.
When I was a young adult in graduate school, Gram became terminally ill. Knowing that Gram had lived a long, loving life didn’t take away from the pain of our impending loss. She was our heart and soul. To know that we wouldn’t be able to hear her laugh or go on walks together holding hands was devastating.
Knowing how to time things, based on the ingredients we have, is critical. But life isn’t like that. We don’t always know just how long we need to let something sit, or how long it takes for something to be done so that we can have closure.I feel Gram’s presence as I try to emulate the many ways she cared about people. Recently our daughter Izzy, age 21, starting quilting. She grew up with one of Gram’s quilts keeping her cozy and wanted to follow this tradition. Gram’s legacy continues.
Another idea I’d like to introduce is imagining someone else’s empathy. With empathy we put ourselves in another’s shoes. When we imagine someone’s empathy, we consider how they might have felt for us. For me, I’ve come to realize that Gram would’ve wanted me to celebrate her life and move forward with my own. She knew I loved her.tough exterior and creamy inside capture the many textures of living.
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