Curiosity is the secret to being perceived as a great date. Learn how to develop this important intimacy skill.
If you've ever been on a date with someone who didn’t ask you any questions, you know how disconnecting and draining it can feel. It’s like trying to play a game of catch with someone who refuses to throw the ball back.
is about discovery, connection, and potential vulnerability, all happening in a short window of time. It can feel like a lot of pressure to try to find out whether or not a new person in front of you is someone you can click with.. Not only does curiosity provide you with important information and make you a better conversationalist, but it also signals interest,Curiosity does more than keep the conversation flowing; it creates a space for meaningful connection to happen. Here’s how:When you ask genuine questions, you demonstrate that you’re engaged and invested in getting to know the other person. This small act validates their experiences and makes them feel seen.Curiosity helps you uncover shared values, passions, and quirks that could make or break a potential relationship. Without it, you might miss crucial information about whether you’re truly a good match.about or fears—can strengthen bonds by creating moments of vulnerability. Research shows that shared vulnerability fosters closeness, even among strangers.Being curious doesn’t mean interrogating your date. Playful questions can injectIt is surprising how many people report going on dates where the other person only talks about themself. The talker might be having a great time because they enjoy being listened to. The other person, however, feels like the talker is disinterested, and he/she is probably quickly losing interest too. Dating someone who doesn’t ask questions can feel like talking to a wall. Everyone, no matter who they are, has a story and wants to be understood. Without curiosity, conversations can feel one-sided, like monologues that leave the listeners feeling unseen and disconnected. A lack of curiosity also signals self-absorption, making it harder to build trust.Curious daters actively engage with their partner, asking follow-up questions and exploring topics with enthusiasm. They might say:Curious people make you feel seen and like they want to get to know different aspects of who you are. They demonstrate interest in your value as a human being beyond how you are making them feel in the moment. Not surprisingly, research shows that curious people are seen as more attractive and more socially skilled. Also, dating partners who demonstrate curiosity during conversations are more likely to establish emotional intimacy and rapport, which means the other person is more likely to want to see you again.If you’re worried that you’re not as curious as you’d like to be, the good news is that curiosity is a skill you can develop.These give your date the opportunity to reveal more about themselves and encourage more expansive answers than simple yes-or-no questions.Resist the urge to plan your next statement while your date is talking. Genuine curiosity stems from being in the moment.Curiosity is the secret ingredient to meaningful conversations and more successful dating. It’s a powerful way to show interest, build rapport, and determine compatibility. So, the next time you’re on a date, let your curiosity lead the way. Who knows? You might discover not just a great partner but also fascinating new layers of yourself in the process.Kashdan, T. B., Sherman, R. A., Yarbro, J., & Funder, D. C. . The social dynamics of curiosity: How curiosity shapes relationships and the quality of everyday social interactions., is the Director of Emory University’s Adult Outpatient Psychotherapy Program in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Science in the School of Medicine.When we fall prey to perfectionism, we think we’re honorably aspiring to be our very best, but often we’re really just setting ourselves up for failure, as perfection is impossible and its pursuit inevitably backfires.
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