For years, Lloyd Griffith had been worried about going bald. Finally, he took the plunge and had a hair transplant. Here, he describes the unexpectedly empowering result of tackling his fears
Photograph: Simon Webb/The ObserverPhotograph: Simon Webb/The Observern a Saturday, while my mum was working at the local Wimpy, my auntie’s boyfriend would take me to watch Grimsby Town. After one game, I bolted through the door to tell my mum that I’d learned some new songs. There was “Who’s the wanker in the black?” to the referee, and “Shut up baldy” to the opposing team’s manager. My mum explained the referee was probably doing his best and that the manager couldn’t help being bald.
In comedy, you spend years trying to hone your USP, and my “character” and “voice” had always included the fact that I had hair. I was fat and I made jokes about that. I didn’t want to be fatbald. I would scour the internet searching for “miracle cures”, which resulted in spending hundreds of pounds on various potions and lotions. I imported garlic shampoo from Turkey and tried various caffeine shampoos in car-oil shaped bottles.
‘At no point in my life did I ever think, as a working-class lad from Grimsby, I’d be going to a clinic on Harley Street to have a cosmetic procedure’: Lloyd Griffith.After my 40th birthday, I decided I was tired of both covering up my baldness and the daily logistics that came with it, having to wake up an extra 20 minutes each day to factor in my sprinkling routine. I just wanted to feel confident in my appearance.
In total, I had 3,052 grafts taken. I was in at 9am and out by 5pm, with an hour for lunch. This was a classy clinic in central London that I’d paid good money for and so I was expecting quite a lavish afternoon tea, but what I got was a ham and mayo sandwich from Wenzel’s the Bakers. The thick white bread felt like being a kid again, like getting a hug from my mum. I was wrapped up in its familiar embrace. I almost cried as I finished my last bite. That Valium really was doing its thing.
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