Dear How to Do It: What are my responsibilities if someone changes a “no” to a “yes” during sex?
zine —but I am still unsure about some of how consent actually works. For what it’s worth, I’m also on the autism spectrum, so interpersonal interaction isn’t always very intuitive for me. I’m a queer, non-binary person. Here are a few of my questions:
Should conversations about boundaries happen right before sex, or earlier? After all, when people are “just” making out, you’re still often touching various parts of their bodies which they might want touched. How early is too early to discuss this once you’ve started kissing someone? Say you’re doing the same sex act , but you want to change position. Should you ask for consent every time you change position? What if someone has particular positions that they don’t like or have negative associations with?
How do you navigate people changing their minds during a hookup—specifically, when they first say that they don’t want to have sex, but then later they say that they do want it after all? How much should you check that they genuinely want it, that that wasn’t a hard boundary when they initially set it, and that they’re not feeling pressured?: I think it’s always a good time to have a conversation about sexual boundaries, if there’s sexual interest.
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