'He never yelled, but he still succeeded in making my environment a living nightmare.'
has taken a toll on me physically, and I wanted help processing some of the intense emotions I couldn’t seem to shake before I became truly physically sick.has changed me. It feels like I have aged ten years in two, in both the way I feel emotionally and physically and the way I look, to the point I sometimes almost don’t recognize my own reflection in the mirror. I have put on weight in my midsection for the first time in my life. My memory is in the toilet.
When his attorney confirmed that this is not how things go, that I would in fact be taking half of our net worth, my ex was furious. He became even more furious when he learned he would also have to pay child support due to the fact that I would have to continue to carry more of the parental responsibility than him due to his demanding and extremely high-paying job. He earns three times more than I do but did not want to help with the care of his children when they were with me.
I had to remain in the house we shared for 12 months. I couldn’t buy a house until I had cash, and I couldn’t afford to rent. I was trapped with my ex who went back and forth between asking me why I wouldn’t have goodbye sex with him and reminding me that I didn’t deserve financial security. He never yelled, but he still succeeded in making my environment a living nightmare. 12 months of that will fuck with your head.
And now, going over to the house I used to live in, the house where my children spend several days of every week, just the smell of it turns my stomach sour. It’s a house that my children call home, and I want to have good feelings about it, but for now I just can’t get out of there fast enough. Every time I go over there I’m reminded of all those months that I was told I deserved to suffer, that I didn’t deserve to have anything, that I needed to “learn how to be poor.
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