Mark Travers, Ph.D., is an American psychologist who writes about psycho-educational topics such as happiness, relationships, personality, and life meaning. He holds degrees from Cornell University and the University of Colorado Boulder.
Imagine this—you’ve been working late nights and catching up with friends on weekends, trying to juggle the demands of a busy life. Then, one evening, your partner brings it up, looking frustrated. They say, “If you don’t start prioritizing this relationship over work and friends, then I don’t think we have a future together.”
In some cases, ultimatums can lead to favorable shifts. For instance, a woman troubled by her partner’s excessive drinking might say, “It’s the alcohol or me.” This ultimatum, though challenging, could encourage one to seek help if they value the relationship. In such situations, ultimatums serve as a wake-up call, pushing a partner to take action they might have otherwise avoided.
After the pause, you both have a chance to reflect and approach the discussion with a clearer, more composed mindset, which can prevent ultimatums from escalating into deeper conflicts.When faced with an ultimatum, take a step back to understand where it’s coming from. Is there fear or frustration driving it? Rather than reacting defensively, try to empathize with your partner’s perspective.
For instance, imagine your partner saying, “If you don’t get rid of your pet, I don’t see how we can stay together.” This can feel deeply unfair, especially if your pet is an integral part of your life. Rather than reacting defensively or feeling forced to make an impossible choice, try responding with clarity and compassion.
The Ultimatum Taking Breaks Emotional Reactivity Compromise Setting Boundaries Couple Burnout Mark Travers Resentment Insecurity
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