When we get angry or yell during difficult moments with our kids, our child’s mirror neurons rise up to meet ours. More anger ensues, the situation intensifies, and it takes us longer to get to a place of calm and resolution.
, and, possibly, ADHD. For the last few years, the mother has struggled with anxiety over her daughter’s challenges. Then the mom worked hard to focus on the present and recognize that her daughter would be fine in the long run, likely even stronger for her struggles. Once she did this, it changed the way her daughter experienced her life as well.
Many of us harbor anxiety over present and future unknowns relating to our child. We might notice that our anxiety peaks during certain times of the year, such as high school graduation season, a time when our Facebook newsfeeds are filled with photos of happy students transitioning to bright futures. We see those images and we act a little differently toward our child — less patient, more intense, less trusting. And our kids will feel it.so we can know when they’re being pulled.
One way to get to the heart of our feelings about our teen is to ask: What am I making this mean? I have a friend with a twice-exceptional child with. He has no friends. My friend has racked her brain looking for ways to help him build a social circle. I asked her what she was making it mean that her son didn’t have a social circle. I know that her son is happy doing his own thing and spending time alone.
? Meaning, how might what’s happening in this moment be exactly what needs to happen for my child, for me, or both of us? Often my response was, “I can’t think of a single thing.” But then I discovered there is always a way to flip a situation around and consider the gifts that might be hidden within it.
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