'For the first time, I saw myself — half-naked and emotionally exposed, but happy and confident.'
, and we headed to the beach. I figured that trying to break out of my comfort zone might benefit me — but I didn't yet know how life-changing it would truly be.
When we arrived at the beach, I fiddled around with my new bikini, trying to position it so that I would show as little skin as possible. I didn't feel completely comfortable and secretly wanted to put all of my clothes back on, but I eventually forgot all about my nerves when we ran into the water together. After a couple of rounds of alternately letting the waves crash on us and sunbathing on the sand, my boyfriend suggested that we take some photos of each other on the beach.
Later that day, when I saw the photos that my boyfriend took, though, my stomach was all I could see. I knew that my boyfriend thought I looked great no matter how my stomach looked, but I couldn't seem to move past my own perception that my stomach didn't belong in such a revealing swimsuit. I critiqued every inch of my body, even after multiple friends reassured me that I looked amazing no matter what stage of eating disorder recovery I'm in.
I never thought that I could make peace with my stomach and feel comfortable baring it in a bikini, especially in eating disorder recovery, but my spontaneous photo shoot with my boyfriend helped mend my years of frustration with my recovering body. This summer, I'm forgoing diets and exercise regimens in favor of accepting my"summer body" — because my body, and all bodies, will always be worth showing off at the beach, no matter what society would have us believe.
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