This is totally unfair, because I wasn’t planning on having to work.
When I asked her why she didn’t tell me that she couldn’t afford to pay her rent, she said she had been too embarrassed to say anything.
I wish she had said something to me; I could have helped her before things got so bad. I’m a bit hurt that she felt like she couldn’t ask me for help. How can I help her now?It is important that you not take this personally. Your friend’s embarrassment is reflective of her state of mind, not of how much she cares about you or whether or not she believes you would help her.
It can be excruciatingly difficult to ask for a financial lifeline — even when you desperately need it. Stop focusing on your emotions around your friend not reaching out to you, and put your attention on her. When someone is in extreme financial distress, the best thing you can do for them and yourself is to give them whatever you can afford to give as a gift rather than lending money. The weight of having to pay someone back when you are drowning in debt can be too difficult to bear.
Figure out what you can offer to your friend financially and give it to her — making it clear that it is a gift. If she needs a place to live, that’s a different story. Offer to let her live with you only if you think you can manage that for a stretch of time. The point here is to offer what you can without making promises that are impossible for you to fulfill. Make sure she knows you love her and want to support her.
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