Child psychologist Dr. Lisa Kennedy explains why relying on simple phrases like 'good job' can be detrimental to a child's development. She emphasizes the importance of specific praise that highlights the effort and positive behaviors, fostering self-validation and confidence in children.
Your child gets a good grade on a test."Good job!" you respond. The scenario seems pretty straightforward — but those two words can backfire on you, says child psychologist
"In those moments, we want as parents to double down on building our kid's confidence. That's usually the goal we're optimizing for," said Kennedy,To be clear, the phrase"good job" isn't itself harmful, Kennedy said. But if your school-aged child brings home a research paper they're proud of, asking specific questions and showing genuine interest is more likely to build their confidence, whether you say those two words or not, she noted.
Like Kennedy, Pressman agreed that parents don't need to eliminate the phrase"good job" from their vocabularies completely — but it should always be followed by specific praise. As for self-validation — learning how to validate oneself without waiting on generic praise from someone else — Kennedy considers it one of the most important core skills children need to learn to eventually succeed as adults, she said.
CHILD DEVELOPMENT PARENTING ADVICE POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT SELF-VALIDATION CONFIDENCE
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