It’s natural to find people other than your partner attractive. And this, in and of itself, is not cheating
Photo: Paramvir Singh/EyeEm/Getty Images What counts as cheating? It’s a question best answered by you and your partner, as you decide together what your rules and boundaries are. Monogamous, monogamish, polyamorous — there are many ways to be happily committed.
The truth is that many of the behaviors deemed “micro-cheating” — like checking someone else out — are far from reliable signs of relationship problems. But the fact that they’re categorized as “cheating” reveals an implied demand that our partners never pay attention to anyone but us. Ever. That kind of possessiveness represents an unhealthy and unrealistic approach to love.
What these data tell us is that it’s simply part of our nature to be turned on by novelty, which is why most of us fantasize about people other than our partners and find ourselves gazing at attractive strangers from time to time. These things don’t necessarily mean that we no longer love our partners or that our relationships are on the verge of crumbling — more often than not, they’re just part of being human.
It’s also natural for us to seek out intimate, emotional connections with people other than our romantic partners. This is why many other so-called micro-cheating behaviors shouldn’t necessarily be viewed as infidelity, either, like confiding in or asking advice from someone who isn’t a romantic partner. We’ve all heard that our spouse should be our best friend, but being too close might not be the best idea.
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