Dear Care and Feeding: I don’t know how to answer my son’s constant questioning.
It’s natural for your 5-year-old to start noticing different family dynamics and questioning his own, and it’s commendable that you feel a level of accountability to him when it comes to explaining your family planning decisions.
What you’ve suggested in your letter is enough of an explanation for now: “Mom and Dad have decided that one child is what’s best for our family. We want to be able to devote lots of time and attention to being great parents, and we can do that best by devoting our time and attention to you.” It’s likely that if his social life remains as active and full as it is now, he’ll stop insisting on a sibling as he gets older. At five, his request may be more about wanting an at-home playmate than a sibling, and having kids over to play from time to time may stem the inquiries. Ultimately, try to gently impress upon him that, in the end, the choice not to expand the family is yours and your husband’s and you both believe you’re making the right one.
Well, things have now gotten a little dicey. The pandemic really affected Betty’s mental health and she’s now developed some hoarding-like tendencies. Each week, she’ll spend upwards of three hours a day getting as much free stuff as she can get her hands on . I would ordinarily dismiss this as a mostly-harmless pastime. But on her weekend visits to our home, she tries to give all the stuff to our kids.
If your husband has already talked to his mother, and she’s continued to bring thrifted items over for the kids, you could try having a follow-up conversation with her yourself. She may receive the request differently if it comes from you. Or you could make an agreement with the kids: they can have one day of free play with these “new” toys and/or choose one snack to be spared, then all the excess will be re-donated or otherwise removed from the home.
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