Our kids don't realize they're being gaslit.
I’ve been in the lives of my stepchildren for nine years, and my husband includes me in all decision-making about them. They live with us half the time and their mother the other half. I do the homework help, doctors’ appointment scheduling, lesson booking, and a number of other basic parental support roles.
My husband’s way of interacting with his ex has always been to say as little as possible, because he knows that nothing he says or does will change her actions. Whether these choices are all due to alcohol use or simply to poor judgment, we can’t say, but they’re happening all the same. None of these things meet the real definition of neglect, but I see the toll they’re taking on our kids, and, frankly, on my husband. Beyond giving them the stability and support we’ve always done our best to provide, is there anything we can do to advocate for them? Conversations with them on the topic feel deeply unfair to them, and the older kid would rather die than feel that she’s betraying her mom by complaining about her.
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