When my wife comes home, all routine and discipline seems to go out the window.
When she’s home, my wife does attempt to follow through with the discipline and routines our kids are used to. But she often misses crucial information when she’s not home and then unknowingly undermines decisions I’ve already made about chores, housework, play dates, you name it. I’m also feeling some resentment that the kids really love having her around, and they react much more tepidly to my presence.
It seems like the biggest problem here is the communication you’re having with your wife. You mentioned that she unknowingly undermines household decisions you’ve made as the primary caretaker of your children—but isn’t itresponsibility to let her know that? This is only going to get worse unless you have a serious talk with her as soon as possible.
Routines are great and all, but you shouldn’t let your life become ruled by them. If their normal bedtime is at 8, and she texts you to say that she’ll be home at 8:30, perhaps you should keep the kids up a little longer and lethandle the bedtime routine instead. I’m sure she feels some level of guilt about not being at home as often as she’d like, so you can give her the opportunity to bond with the kiddos in her own way, while you take a much-needed mental health break.
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